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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. But, she has been constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances drifted away then, as they were drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely grasped better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both left the workforce leading to more each other more, but I am finding the part I play between us is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I know well many times and lived in previously. I attempted to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her decisions. I have ended four weeks in that place and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of a solution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially involves describing how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask how the two of you going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful in fostering understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore all you say, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a story about themselves they're unable to let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. But she may at first react defensively and then think your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace knowing you were honest with her.