These Phrases from My Dad Which Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk between men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - spending a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."